I Want These Four Beaters

I’ve been on CarDomain for nearly two years now, and in that time I’ve seen some of the most amazing custom cars you can imagine. Camaros, Cobras, Vipers, Chevelles, Cadillacs, all of those you’d expect me to mention, right? Those kinds of cars are the kind you’re expected to fawn over at a show. Me, I love ‘em all, but deep inside is the feeling that the winter beaters we reserve for most of our abuse deserves more respect than any show car trailer queen.

With that said, some of us feel that some beaters are more fun to, well, beat on. They last through it all without a complaint, some need a fix here and there, and some just can’t handle our bad driving and completely drop an engine (for the record, that’s happened to me once). What I’ve done is compiled a list of five beaters that I’d love to have, for the simple purpose of running ‘em until they die:

1. 1992-1998 Geo Metro- 3 cylinder

When I first noticed these cars, I absolutely abhorred their weak engines and their odd styling. Over the last month they’ve grown on me, and now I realize the charm that these little runts have. It’s like it takes hold of your imagination. You hate it, but then again the utter joy of beating the piss out of it is equal to that of, say, a Porsche 911 Turbo at Laguna Seca? I can’t for the life of me think of a way to make it look cool, I do know that window tint would be in order for the simple fact that no matter how much fun it is to ride it like Fergie, it’s still embarrassing to be seen in one. After all, not everyone will see it my way, which, in my opinion, is just another reason that I enjoy them.

Continue reading after the jump!

2. 1989 Toyota Camry LE station wagon

This car takes some getting used to, especially if you go from a world-renowned sports car to a lowly, butt-ugly station wagon. It was a comfy, had every possible option aside from the V6, and everything worked. It definitely had a mind of its own as it sometimes wouldn’t start unless I punched the alternator, would get raving mad and lock its occupants inside, but through it all, never failed to get us where we needed to go. The power steering pump leaked so badly that I started buying motor oil for it instead of power steering fluid because it had a higher viscosity and didn’t leak as quickly. It got a brand spanking new exhaust system after a year or so, it sounded uncannily ballsy. It survived races with other wagons and high-speed drifts (I swear to god). It would’ve made a great redneck rally car, all I’d need is an All-Trac system and a manual, and it’d be good to go. I don’t miss it in the least, but it had potential.

3. 1991 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser (AKA the “Shaggin’ Wagon”)

This particular beater is currently MIA, missing since my brother had a little mishap that involved speeds of well into triple-digits, a two-lane draw bridge, a Buick Century, the Kentucky River and the cops. He made that car locally famous after that incident, as wherever that car went, they knew who’s it was. I never liked it much, though. Ever since it went missing, it became somewhat of a legend, a folk tale of sorts. Not much else is known about this car.

4. 1988 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale

Out of all the beaters I’ve mentioned, this one takes the cake and runs away laughing. Being an ‘88 model, it was offered with the old, crappy, underpowered 3.8, but thankfully it’s far enough along in the model year that it has the undeniably awesome 3800 series 1. It pays to be lazy, because this baby sports a custom straight-piped exhaust with no mufflers, talk about loud. This car is a definite sleeper; you’d never see it coming. It’s big, full-efficient (it got almost thirty mpg on the highway), fast, it’s the perfect car.

It isn’t hard to understand that the workhorse deserves the best praise. They’re overworked and underappreciated, abused and beaten, but isn’t that their only purpose?